Everyday, I see and hear perceptions of perfect relationships everywhere. What makes a relationship perfect? I’m not sure my answer is the correct answer for everyone…that makes it my type of perfect. I like getting milkshakes and every week and having a beer at a local pub. Some may like playing video games and going hiking. Who am I to judge?
The world is made up of thousands upon thousands of various personalities. Each personality meshes with a different personality differently. Your upbringing, your likes, and your dislikes play major parts in what you as an individual find attractive.
The problem with today’s world? Someone, somewhere made their “attractive” the norm. This “cookie cutter” mold causes individuals to bend and break within its containment. The norm tells people that their relationship is wrong, and that if something isn’t done a specific way, it isn’t love. Truthfully, love is defined by an infinite number of paths travelled. For me, I don’t want to go out every weekend…and my fiancé gets that. For a friend, partying is her way of life. She needs someone to keep up.
“Normal” love is defined by commonalities and similar quirks. My love? That love is defined by what makes me happy. I want to brought flowers and put on a pedestal. There are plenty of girls who don’t want it. This doesn’t mean that her society shouldn’t be the overruling voice in her head telling her that her chemistry lab partner isn’t the person that makes her happy. Rules and status force unsure personalities into molds that later destroy them. I have seen many relationships fail because of petty influences.
The reasons for falling in love…or even “in like” shouldn’t be something that is defined as “normal love.” It doesn’t work for everyone.
The Big Picture
It is fairly easy to get wrapped up in wedding plans. The bridal shower, the bachelorette party, the bridesmaid’s brunch, and much more seem to consume a woman’s life from the moment the ring is put on her finger until she walks down the aisle. In some cases, a groom can be swept under the rug while all the wedding preparations are put into order. Isn’t that ironic? The groom is half of the couple, half of why people are celebrating.
Whether the celebration is large or small, there are small details that must be perfect. Each couple envisions their big day to be a magical and wonderful day. Although the celebration will be beautiful, the bigger picture is more beautiful…and much more important. After all, the aftermath of a wedding is what it’s all about.
There are simple ways to remember the big picture, still plan a dream wedding, and keep your groom feeling loved. It’s just a matter of compromise.
Make time for each other to just be together. Focus on the reason you are getting married, not what colors the table linens should be. It has been said that many women often lose focus of life after a wedding and focus solely on throwing a great party. Party on, but don’t forget what is important. Focus on your job, your family, and your other half.
Make sure to step away from the wedding plans for at least one day in your busy schedule: Use that time to be with each other, and reconnect. Listen to your fiancé and ask questions. Let him know you are still interested in him, and still want to know about his likes and dislikes! It is often easy to get stuck in a routine, and leave your communication lines out of the picture. Go out to do something that both of you like to do, and keep conversation away from planning. If you must plan, plan for the future.
Keep your fiancé involved. It can be a small or big project, but keep him involved. Make sure to include him in planning and choosing various options. Although he may not want to be involved, he will remember that you were kind enough to think of him. Try letting him plan part of the honeymoon, or organize the catering. Chose a project that he will enjoy doing.
5 Quick Tips To Calm Down
1. Listen, Think, Talk: Listen to yourself when you are interacting with others. Do you sound like the beginnings of a bridezilla? If so, think. Think about a better way to voice what is going through your head. Lastly, talk to your friends and family in a more respectful manner.
2. Don’t Fight: It is easy to get carried away when money isn’t given on time, or guest lists aren’t handed over in a timely fashion. Don’t sweat it. Just remember: It’s not like people won’t show up to your wedding, remember that it’s a party for you and your fiancé, and weddings are totally awesome no matter what they look like. Only you can see that your table linens don’t exactly match, and your centerpieces weren’t just right. It’s not worth a fight with your wedding planner, family, or fiancé.
3. Overwhelmed? Stop: Overwhelmed with your wedding plans? Walk away. Walk away for a week or so and resume your life. Go out with friends, your fiancé, or your family. If asked about wedding plans, simply explain that you stopped for about a week due to feeling overwhelmed. Everyone will be impressed by your maturity to walk away. It’s just a party, you have your whole life ahead of you.
4. Time Management: Want to book a wedding venue? Narrow it down to three and visit all three on one day. Sit down and talk it out with your fiancé. If he likes one and you don’t, do not get into a fight. Instead, figure out a time to go back and evaluate what the appeal is. This will be a helpful tip throughout your marriage: If it is the only thing he wants, do it.
5. Enjoy It: Don’t get caught up in the myths that wedding planning is “torture.” Sit, relax, and enjoy. The wedding world is a multi-million dollar industry will hundreds of options. Do not see this planning adventure as a stressful endevour. Keep an open mind and be smart about your money. At the end of the wedding, you get to be with your fiancé for the rest of your life! How wonderful is that?
All my life, I lived in New York, in the shadow of the most amazing city I have ever seen. I have grown up seeing Broadway shows and musicals, and the view from Jones Beach on Long Island. I was influenced by the tragedy of 9/11 and stood proud for my city. I never thought I would move, until I found love.
I must say, moving to Philadelphia for college was some sort of wonderful. I was free to be in another wonderful city, and be exposed to new and different ways of life. After a few years, I left my new found love, and came back to my full time obsession. I was comfortable, and was still convinced that if I was to leave, I would always come back again.
Like I said, I found love, a big and wonderful sort of love that only comes to a person once in his or her lifetime. We were at a cross road: stay in my vast, beautiful world of New York…or leave to find a more peaceful world in Pennsylvania. I chose the latter. Not because I don’t want to some day go back; but because his wishes to own a house seem more realistic in the suburbs of PA.
So, we packed up my life from my childhood room, and we drove to a small town outside of Philadelphia. I won’t say I am not impressed with how beautiful it is here, but I will say…it’s different.
There Are Live Animals
No, not squirrels. I’d be cool with squirrels. These animals do $5,000 worth of damage to your Mazda 3. These animals come at your car because it’s in their way. I know that deer and large foxes are in some parts of New York, too…but not my New York. Not the New York I grew up in. It was too developed for that…and I was perfectly fine living in a world where animals were in a mystical “wild” that was far away from my humble abode. The first day I saw a deer run out in front of a car, I wondered if I had been transported to the countryside, or a zoo…and then I hit it.
You Are Away From Your BFF Squad
Sure, you have your friends here…but they aren’t like your old friends. They are just as wonderful and fun, but there is something about being in a different state than your best friend that makes you say…Is this worth it? I will say, yes..it’s worth it, but it’s also worth a trip back to your home base every once and a while to keep in touch. It’s hard to keep in touch with everyone, but it’s important to try. Like the old saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
There’s Nothing to Do
Yes, there are no beaches here for your lazy days off from work…and your BFF hang out schedule has gone out the window since you’re 100 miles away. Your new friends have a 9-5 job, and suddenly, you couldn’t be more alone. Friday and Saturday nights become a night of organization and room cleaning, while your friends from home Snapchat you every hour from the different events you’re missing. They don’t do it to be malicious…but it still hurts. In order to get out of your funk, you have to do your research. Get to the nearest gym and start working out. Ask a friendly coworker about a fun bar around your work, and don’t be too afraid to smile as that pedestrian walks by. It may not lead to anything, but it doesn’t hurt. Be aware, it’s easy to sit in your living room and watch HGTV for hours at a time, while eating ice cream. Just don’t do it. It can become a vicious cycle.
The Lay of The Land is Different
Coming from a city that sells alcohol 24 hours a day in a gas station, to actually having to plan out a trip to the beer distributor is fairly tragic. It isn’t impossible, but your new friends will think you are insane that you are actually bitching about this. It’s a real struggle. Bars close earlier than 4am, and you can’t just double your tax to come up with a tip.
It’s different, that is a guarantee; but it is important to remember that change brings character. The growth that will come out of a successful move will be amazing. Your life is bound to change in a new and profound way, and you should be proud of yourself. It isn’t easy to leave your home, and soon…your new city will be your home, too.