2017 is now known as my transition year. A “PD” year if you will. I was transitioning into finding out what kind of mother I really was aiming to be, finding myself, learning how to be an adult successfully (still not there though), and really eating and doing whatever I wanted.
I don’t need resolutions at the beginning of the year, and since it’s March, enough time has passed that I feel it’s acceptable to say that I’ve been on track for most of my goals that I set for myself on January 17th. (NOT new year, new me..because I love me)
Taking Care of My Mind
Yes, this means I’ve actually been taking care my mind, which is the first step in taking care of one’s self. Not letting my anxiety get the best of me and actively working my way through sleepless nights and agonizing days that just won’t end. Stating my problems to my loved ones and trying to get resources so that I can have a third unbiased party listen to my fears. My anxiety and depression haven’t gone away, and I honestly think it is something that stays with you. Anxiety and depression shape how you are in moments, how you approach situations in your life, but by no means does it define your character. And that, has been my biggest goal so far. To discover who I’ve grown up to be, and who I am supposed to be. I’ve lived the last 10 years in a depression fog riddled with anxiety and fear that has affected the way that I live my everyday life…and with my son and the life I live now, I’ve come out on the other side of this fog not knowing exactly who I have become– and I have goaled myself to take the first steps in finding out who I am and what morals I stand for.
Taking care of my outer body
Paying the extra bit to occasionally get my nails done, sleep in when I have the chance, take a walk every so often, go out of my way to get my hair blown out, and actively watch what I am eating. My diet is not exactly “strict.” But, it’s because I laid out the rules, and was firm with myself in the beginning. However, I am able to stick to it because I let myself fail and pull myself up each time and have willpower. Food relationships vary by each person, but for me food has always been a frienemy. For those that do not think that willpower is an actual superpower– watch me resist buying Reeses chocolate eggs for Easter. It’s an actual conversation I have with the woman at Rite Aid, while she stares at me eating Skinny Pop out of my purse. (I never said I was delicate or smooth) BUT, I am able to resist and press on by listening to my stomach say “I’m full! No more!” instead of saying, “What about second dinner?”
Becoming more social
I have no idea when I started having social anxiety, but it’s a newer friend that has caused me to lose friends, blow chances with potential ones, and feel locked in my own house on Friday and Saturday nights. I know it’s okay to be somewhat of a homebody, but for someone with social anxiety– it’s important for me to be forced out into situations– even for 15 minutes (and then you say you have a stomach ache) I think I fear the unknown of the arrival and getting into a place rather than being out somewhere…is there a name for that specific of of a problem? (I never said I wasn’t crazy)
I’m happy to report it is now March, and aside from a couple nights of drinking and having fun, I have been able to stick to my diet and lose some weight, shake the tiredness that goes along with being overweight, and find a great routine that my son fits right into, and I’m so happy to see how the rest of the year goes!
Love you, mean it.