Sugar Free? How about, Fun Free?

…and my pants shouldn’t be this tight.

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I’ve been asked by many how I’m going through this transition of eating whatever TF I want, to actually being fairly disciplined in watching what I am eating. (Fairly is the key word in this)

Well, friends, it’s no easy task. Anyone can just log onto Instagram, Facebook, Twitter..and find a diet that is way too difficult, too unobtainable– and then give up after posting 3 pictures of themselves at Whole Foods Gluten Free aisle. Let me tell ya: Gluten Free ain’t something to do unless you have an issue: then by all means, be gluten-free.

I’ve met with dietitians that measured me, weighed me, and given me diets: and I really am happy to say that it actually worked. To get a plan was expensive but worth it. To have someone rooting in your corner was expensive and nagging…but WORTH.IT. I’ve since moved to a different state, lost a couple of years– but now, I’m back on track. (BTW pah-leeze don’t get mad at me because you think I’m wrong) BUT I am able to say: Sugar free, for me, works da best.

For three-five whole days I thought about decapitating everyone around me. I thought about food constantly, and only wanted just about everything that you walked past or saw on my Instagram feed. I did the opposite of exposure therapy.  I brought my own lunch to work, didn’t leave the office to walk past the various places with treats, and did not eat out for the first week. I needed a full on detox, from temptation and food. I made sure to drink water, not deprive myself of meals, and not load up on a ton of fruit. (You’ll just want something sweet)

Going grocery shopping when you’re deprived of something that seemed like my whole body was made of was the worst day of my life. I looked up recipes before I went and jotted down what I needed. My dietitian said to read every single label– read everything before you put it in your body– and obey the serving size. LOL have you seen how much cereal you should be eating? Jokes. Did you know cereal isn’t allowed on my diet? Lol. Jokes again. I went through aisle after aisle in my grocery store picking up things I thought looked “heathly” and putting them back down after seeing 12 grams of sugar in one serving. By the time I got home, I was crying because I came home with chicken, peppers, cauliflower, and quinoa. My dad actually made fun of me because I was crying about food. Which, in hindsight, it’s terribly funny because I was crying about food. After a week of dieting and taking pictures of every single portion I ate, I met with my good ole friend, Maria. She combed through my camera roll and gave me props or feedback about each plate.

“What kind of sauce is that?”

“Yea, your grains should never be so much that they are falling off the plate.”

“Are you sure that’s all you ate?”

She never made me feel bad about my image.  Everything she said was for me to get healthier. It was never about those measurements. After three weeks, I told her I could actually wake up with my alarm. I saw a difference in how my legs and knees felt. Yes, I had lost some inches around my waist- but I initially went to her because I felt sick, and at 24, I didn’t think I should feel so tired I could hibernate through the winter.

Fast forward to this year. I woke up the week of January 17th and felt sick. My baby was whining in the next room to get picked up and start the day- and I just couldn’t do it. I got up, sluggishly walked into his room, could barely pick him up, and unhappily started my day…at 8:30am. I knew I needed to change myself. If not for me, but for MP3. My whole life I wanted to be a young mom, because I felt like I would be able to chase my kids around and be the best mom possible…at 27, I shouldn’t be this slow. My knees shouldn’t hurt his bad..and my pants shouldn’t be this tight. (So much drama)

I knew what I had to do. After MP3’s breakfast, I made myself an Eggo waffle with Nutella and had my last meal. I packed my lunch (LOL if you know me), dropped the baby off at his grandmom’s, and pranced off to work feelin’ like a million bucks. I later got a granola bar that had 10 grams of sugar in it and said, “OK, now this is my last meal.” And, I meant it. I’m older, wiser, and have much more willpower than I used to. It’s because I know what didn’t work the last time. The last time around, I just said “just a taste” to everything after 6 months, and then it became…”well okay.”

This time, I came armed with a nagging husband, mom, and boss who all throw curveballs my way and then praise me with how well I’m doing. I’m doin’ this for me, but also for my instagram feed. (Just kidding)

If you want a friend to watch food with, or diet with–LMK. I’m not a professional, but I’m a friend!

 

Love you, mean it.

K

 

 

Disclaimer: Like honestly, go to a dietition or something if you need a food plan and don’t take my word as bible… because mine was designed around me…and they know some shit and went to school for this. This is for motivating the crap out of you.

 

 

2k18 So Far

I never said I was delicate or smooth.

2017 is now known as my transition year. A “PD” year if you will. I was transitioning into finding out what kind of mother I really was aiming to be, finding myself, learning how to be an adult successfully (still not there though), and really eating and doing whatever I wanted.

I don’t need resolutions at the beginning of the year, and since it’s March, enough time has passed that I feel it’s acceptable to say that I’ve been on track for most of my goals that I set for myself on January 17th. (NOT new year, new me..because I love me)

Taking Care of My Mind

Yes, this means I’ve actually been taking care my mind, which is the first step in taking care of one’s self. Not letting my anxiety get the best of me and actively working my way through sleepless nights and agonizing days that just won’t end. Stating my problems to my loved ones and trying to get resources so that I can have a third unbiased party listen to my fears. My anxiety and depression haven’t gone away, and I honestly think it is something that stays with you. Anxiety and depression shape how you are in moments, how you approach situations in your life, but by no means does it define your character. And that, has been my biggest goal so far. To discover who I’ve grown up to be, and who I am supposed to be. I’ve lived the last 10 years in a depression fog riddled with anxiety and fear that has affected the way that I live my everyday life…and with my son and the life I live now, I’ve come out on the other side of this fog not knowing exactly who I have become– and I have goaled myself to take the first steps in finding out who I am and what morals I stand for.

Taking care of my outer body

Paying the extra bit to occasionally get my nails done, sleep in when I have the chance, take a walk every so often, go out of my way to get my hair blown out, and actively watch what I am eating. My diet is not exactly “strict.” But, it’s because I laid out the rules, and was firm with myself in the beginning. However, I am able to stick to it because I let myself fail and pull myself up each time and have willpower. Food relationships vary by each person, but for me food has always been a frienemy. For those that do not think that willpower is an actual superpower– watch me resist buying Reeses chocolate eggs for Easter. It’s an actual conversation I have with the woman at Rite Aid, while she stares at me eating Skinny Pop out of my purse. (I never said I was delicate or smooth) BUT, I am able to resist and press on by listening to my stomach say “I’m full! No more!” instead of saying, “What about second dinner?”

Becoming more social

I have no idea when I started having social anxiety, but it’s a newer friend that has caused me to lose friends, blow chances with potential ones, and feel locked in my own house on Friday and Saturday nights. I know it’s okay to be somewhat of a homebody, but for someone with social anxiety– it’s important for me to be forced out into situations– even for 15 minutes (and then you say you have a stomach ache) I think I fear the unknown of the arrival and getting into a place rather than being out somewhere…is there a name for that specific of of a problem? (I never said I wasn’t crazy)

I’m happy to report it is now March, and aside from a couple nights of drinking and having fun, I have been able to stick to my diet and lose some weight, shake the tiredness that goes along with being overweight, and find a great routine that my son fits right into, and I’m so happy to see how the rest of the year goes!

Love you, mean it.

K

The Feel Good Project

After having my first baby 6 and a half weeks ago, I found myself not being able to feel good about the way I looked. It’s the same old story for most new mommas, but after being told numerous times by my husband that I performed a miracle, I realized I was the only one that felt that I wasn’t confident. So, I made up a project…with the help of my on again off again therapist– It’s called the Feel Good Project, and since most of you guys aren’t moms quite yet, it’s still a great way to feel good when you are having an off week.

The Rules:

  1. Make up outfits– Since I work in retail, this is super easy for me, because I have to wear the clothes…but before I went on leave, my outfits were anything but cute. I have to have at least 3 items on, cute/clean shoes, a necklace, and earrings. This was the hardest, because I’ve been fairly preoccupied with you know…taking care of a newborn. But, I must be doing it right because I’ve been feeling fantastic!
  2. Wear makeup and wash your hair– yes. Go through the process of putting on a little something so you (and only you…because everyone around you thinks you’re awesome) feel good. Make sure to take a shower everyday, and WASH your hair…if you have time, style it.

…and that’s it. You are allowed to have a couple bum days, but you have to GET DRESSED no matter what.

Anywho- It’s Black Friday, and I’m obvs at work…PSA to the shoppers out there…be nice to us today 🙂

 

Love you, mean it.

 

My Break-Up Letter to Designer Purchases

We have to see other people, and by other people…I mean I have to see Target, and you have to see my closet.

Dear (kate spade, Longchamp, Tory Burch, etc),

I am writing to you today to let you know about how much money I have spent on you in our long-term relationship of 8 years. In this relationship, I seem to be giving you cold-hard earned cash…and you give me a temporary happiness that is just as quick and fleeting as a Venti Iced Coffee from Starbucks.

We have to see other people, and by other people…I mean I have to see Target, and you have to see my closet. Sigh. We both knew that this was going to come sooner rather than later, and it’s not meant to hurt your feelings…but in all honesty, this isn’t a healthy relationship. You take my money, tempt me with high expectations and pretty colors, and then hit me to the floor with your prices. In essence, you use me for my money.

This is why, for at least 6 months, we have to take a break from each other. Don’t make it awkward and e-mail me…I won’t respond.

All my love and friendship,

Kate

Kate Spade Surprise Sale

It breaks my heart to say that I found that I didn’t have the impulse to spend my money on the beautiful items on the website.

Hi Saving Beauties! Let’s just talk about a little thing called a vice. Mine? kate spade. Ugh, my favorite types of handbags, and my ultimate splurge items all come from kate. I’m not sure what they are trying to do to me…sending me e-mails about a “surprise” wedding sale with 65% off of everything wedding. Sigh. But, after looking through all of the sale items (yes I looked!) I am happy to report back to all of you, I didn’t break. Yes, that cake topper is a must…and yes those “Mrs” earrings are to die for…but I don’t need them. It breaks my heart to say that I found that I didn’t have the impulse to spend my money on the beautiful items on the website. Not that I’m not KICKING myself over it…but I am becoming more responsible with my money. I’ll give you an example: As you all know, I have to pay my own phone bill now, and I’ve discovered that by spending a mere $100 on a totes adorable handbag is very tempting, I could also use that money to save up for my guy’s birthday present AND pay my part of the phone bill. My logic that “what’s 100 dollars going to do anyway?” has been thrown out of my Mazda 3 window like no one’s business. I need that $100 for me to LIVE…and you do too. If you have the extra money, be my guest: kate spade. I do strongly advise you to enter (if you dare) and practice self control. Let’s call this approach-avoidance therapy. Go in, look at the items, and DON’T buy anything.   One tip: After you receive the e-mail…because they are tricky and make you enter it in order to see the sale, go to your inbox and UNSUBSCRIBE. We’ve talked about this before. I feel like a broken record 😉   Anyway, tune in for another post later this week. Love you…mean it Kate