What Your Coffee Order says about You

Coffee is probably the most important thing in most modern day people’s lives. From teens to the elderly, coffee is loved through all ages. Lately, there has been a surge of insane types of coffee invented that most coffee enthusiasts would vote as, “not even sort of coffee.”

 

Regular, Black

Girl, (or guy) you know what’s up. You crave the caffeine goodness and you don’t want any of that petty crap to get in your way. Milk? Blegh. Sugar? As if. You want the bitter and the smooth taste all up in you. You haven’t met a coffee too strong. Your coffee order tells others, “I don’t need substitutions. I’ve got the real deal.” Most of these coffee drinkers are a little rough around the edges and like to keep it real with their friends. No shame in that game.

Regular with Creamer and Sugar

Bitch, you don’t even want 2 percent!? Let’s get this together. Yes, they make those creamers in the same containers that crack is cooked in, therefore it’s easy to get hooked…but come on. As for the sugar, do you want to drink coffee? Or just the thin mint goodness? Most of these coffee drinkers can be found sitting outside their college union with a Marlboro Light hanging out of their mouth and their iPhone 6 playing Selena Gomez and Zedd.

Iced Coffee, any way

Whether it’s wind or rain, you know this coffee aficionado is definitely getting their fix in a big cold way. Any way you pour it, this drinker is not about to make jokes about his or her coffee. Most iced coffee drinkers can be seen wandering around the mall or taking a run to their local Starbucks to get their fix. Most iced coffee drinkers utilize their days off to just wear work out clothes while not going to the gym and wasting time in Target instead. Oops.

Latte

What are you anyway? Do you want coffee or a cup of hot milk? Because, TBH that’s what you’re getting…and you’re even paying well over $3.00 for it. Suddenly, basics all around the globe are taking pictures of their latte art. Hearts, stars, and horseshoes made out of milk foam have flooded my instagram and I want it to stop. Most people who order a latte at their coffee shop are just in it to sound snooty to the rest of the line. “Oh, she’s a latte drinker. She’s got to be sophisticated.” Latte drinkers can be found in the line at Chipotle while discussing how to actually pronounce Chi-polt-ley…or is it Chi-pol-tee?

Macchiato, Machiato?

Literally, is this just crack with a fancy Italian name. Do we even know if it is Italian? I’m unsure about the situation. Anyway, most Macchiato drinkers don’t even know what they are drinking half the time. Why? Because none of them bother to look up what the ingredients are. You can find these people in line to see the midnight showing of 50 Shades of Grey and taking selfies with their custom-made t-shirts fully supporting Christian Grey’s way of life. Do you girl, do you.

FYI: Macchiato simply means “marked” or “stained” in Italian. In the case of caffè macchiato, this means literally “espresso marked with milk.” – Thanks Starbucks.

In my humble opinion…whatever humble means anyway…coffee is made to make you a caffeinated you.  Don’t taint it with your creamers and syrups. Drink it like nature intended to be…hot, black, and bitter. Yum.

 

 

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