The 7 People You Meet in HomeGoods

There are few people that can walk up and down the aisles at home goods and not get tempted into purchasing kitchen towels that say “Drink up, witches.”

Ah, home goods, the mothership. There are few people that can walk up and down the aisles at HomeGoods and not get tempted into purchasing kitchen towels that say “Drink up, witches.”

In fact, I have a theory. There are seven different types of people that you will meet in a HomeGoods aisle that are bound to have their carts overflowing with another skeleton or truck and tree pillow.

1. The Influencer

Ohh, girl you know who she is. Maybe I even tried to be her for a hot minute. (Transplanted New Yorker?) Come on guys, you’ve seen her before. There she is… with her Instagram open… ready for an epic story. Not only is she sporting a wide-brimmed hat (it is fall, you know) but she’s wearing a buffalo check flannel button-down with skinny jeans and a boot moment. She starts off her Instagram story with a boomerang of the HomeGoods sign with a caption of “uh oh, haul coming soon!” Steer clear, I think I’ve seen her start fights over the last twinkle light set.

2. The mom who just needs a break

If she has kids with her, she’s not getting a break— but has the day off and needs to get out of her house. She spends the majority of her time going up and down the aisles yelling at her children to get off the glass shelves because they definitely will not hold them. She’s the one that you hear screaming, “BRAXTON, GET OVER HERE” in frames while you’re over in the kitchen section. By the time you end up behind her in line, her children have tears coming down their face while she’s calling her husband talking about how bad they are. She’s bribed or threatened them… or both. All children involved have at least one toy from the kid’s section that will inevitably be put back before they check out.

3. The “collector”

Hands-down, easily the most annoying and obnoxious of all HG shoppers. She’s the one that you see knocking down the door at 10 of 10 on a Saturday. Regardless of her having her children there, they are so well-trained that you wouldn’t even know that she had kids with her. They know that once Mommy goes into home goods you do not misbehave or you will get all fortnight privileges taken away.  They’re the ones that are calling each and everyone of their bookclub friends to see if they want the latest Rae Dunn collection. Much to your demise, when you arrive at 11 AM, the entire shelf is empty. They then proceed to go on to Instagram, and use hashtags such as #wipedout #earlybirdgetstheworm. If you aren’t a HG shopper, you can easily translate this to the IG accounts that find deep discounted clearance at Target. Same person, same Lularoe leggings.

4. The mom who actually is getting a well deserved break

I don’t think this lady actually knows that she’s in a HomeGoods or that her children have stayed home with somebody else.  You can usually see her wandering around the same aisle three or four times before she realizes that she’s made a circle and have bumped into several shoppers. She usually takes this time to multitask, checking her emails or texting friends that she’ll forget about in an hour. She’s usually the quickest of the home good shoppers since she usually gets distracted and leaves. God bless her. And by her, I mean me. Because this is me.

5. The Mother/daughter duo saying “this is cute”

These two take forever, and usually aren’t paying attention. They go up and down every aisle so not to miss anything. Since they both have a cart each, they take up the entire aisle. Usually, they’ll shoot you a dirty look when you just want to pass them. Even an excuse me seems rude in their eyes. How dare you come to their aisle! Most likely there is a project started at home that they needed to come out to grab some additional items to finish. However, this gets thrown into the wind after they hit the pillow section. They comb through each section touching every piece of product on the shelves remarking, “this is cute”

“this is cute”

“this is cute…”

“Mom look, isn’t this cute?”

6. The couple

These two are too big for their britches. Usually it starts off with just one part of the couple walking up and down each aisle with the determination that they can find something cute for their apartment or house. By the time they get to the Tupperware section, the other half of the couple has either decided to leave them and go back to the car, or jump headfirst into a full house renovation. You’ll pass them contemplating all new dishes, “oh don’t we need this for the bar? How cute would that be?”, and planning what their ideal kitchen would look like. Phrases fly around like, “go with me here… I’m thinking an island!” Or “I was really loving what they did on love it or list it, we could probably make that”

7. The home goods returner

The rarest breed of all HomeGoods shoppers, is the one that goes back and returns. From what I’ve seen of this breed, they are usually not the most pleasant. They expect to be able to find all the items that they need for their project in one HomeGoods, and they can’t understand why there’s no website. Usually they will opt for an exchange, since no one can ever remember which bag they put your receipt…and the whole store has been reconfigured after they left two days ago, and now looks like a Christmas wonderland.

 

Stuff I’ve Done Wrong: Mom Edition

No matter what I write or what anyone writes– your child might be different, and those things might not work for you. 

Hey, yea, so there’s a couple of things that I should tell you all about my parenting style: I don’t do things the way the moms of my time tell the internet forums to do stuff. Yup, I’m a bad millennial mom, and I’m not sorry about it.

I stopped listening to every single forum out there on the world wide paranoid web when I read a post while pregnant about the things I could NOT do while pregnant. To be honest, I’m sure there are some folks out there that would strongly encourage living in a small bubble to just make sure that everything is balanced when pregnant.

Now, I wasn’t the happiest of pregnant people. For one; everyone around me thought I had transformed into a psycho, for another; I was too lazy to follow any of the rules. Granted, I didn’t do anything horribly wrong, such as drinking, smoking, jumping off bridges, etc…but at 9 months pregnant, I BY ACCIDENT ate swordfish. My b. But, my son is a year and a half (16 months for those who prefer counting by months until their kid is 5) and he’s the most fine any kid could be. So, for those pregnant– if you slip up and drink a coffee…relax. If you slip up and drive your car on a bumpy road…relax. You’ll get through it.

Now, on to the last 16 months of my son’s life:

We didn’t co-sleep, I had him in the crib by the time he was 3 months old, I played Fetty Wap in the car while my son was 4 months old, I didn’t stick him in front of a TV at 5 months old, I didn’t put batteries in the swing or cradle for extra vibrations because it’s too overstimulating, I used Facebook once for parenting advice and then I found google and my doctor’s phone number, and lastly, I didn’t stress about every single developmental step, every single problem out there– because when you do, you get gray hair.

Moral of my story, you’re going to screw up– and you’re going to be afraid, but it’s not the end of the world if your kid doesn’t start walking right at 13 months. When you learn to not stress about every single thing, you start to actually find your groove and your parenting style. I figured out that reading mommy blogs that used fire and brimstone in order to breed fear in their readers just wasn’t for me. No matter what I write or what anyone writes– your child might be different, and those things might not work for you.

Things will come up, and you have to learn to be cool and collected while handling it, because children feed off your behavior. The first time you have to fill out paperwork for your child will be something else, and you’ll actually realize that you’re in charge of this baby, and you have to do right by him or her.

The best piece of advice, and the only piece I ever listened to was this:

“Don’t ever let your child dictate your life, they may alter it, change how things are done, but never work around their schedule. They have to learn to be in your world, and it’s your job to teach them.”

Love you, mean it

K

PS: Don’t be a bitter Betty about my rant. Thanks 🙂

How To: Beach with Baby

So, what’s a new mom to do?

It’s June, which  means it’s unbearable in your house, and outside. Let’s just call this the month of “let’s just go somewhere with air conditioning.” It’s also the beginning of many northerners heading to the beach or the pool to cool off. So, what’s a new mom to do? I mean, we already pack up half of our lives every time we go to the grocery store, so what the heck do you bring with you on a day outing?

I’ve gotten my bags down to a science. Sometimes, for day outings– you gotta wing it. A few essentials, but if you pack too much, you’ll end up carrying things back and forth to your car. You’ll be grumpy and tired, and have to deal with a sun-kissed toddler(s). It’s not easy, but it’s doable. Let’s break it down:

Write a checklist the day before

…and go over it with someone, if you’re really crazy. Just read it a couple times to your self, and think about your situations that you’re going to be in. Here’s what’s on my list:

  1. 4-5 diapers
  2. wipes
  3. a change of clothes
  4. a towel/blanket
  5. sunscreen for face and body
  6. pacifier or favorite toys
  7. umbrella or mini tent for some shady snoozes
  8. a mini cooler or lunchbox (I snagged mine from my husband)
    1. 2 bottles filled with water
    2. Packets of formula
    3. If your baby is starting on solids– feel free, but I would save that for when you get home.

Here’s the thing about this stuff. You aren’t going to an island with no stores– and if you are, you’re lucky because I can’t stand people. If you forget something, get it asap from a store while you’re there.

Pack Up The Night Before

Make sure that you aren’t just throwing things in a pack. Let’s get some Monica action here: Yell check after everything goes in..not. Anyway, make sure that you have a ziplock bag for your sunscreen, and some plastic bags for your diapers! While your at it, pack up your stuff as well.

Eat before leaving

Make sure to feed the babes before going, maybe while someone else packs up the car. It is simpler than the baby waking up mid-way through the drive and SCREAM the whole rest of the way.  On that note, put on your sunscreen before putting on bathing suits, swim shirts ride up, and no one likes a crispy baby!

Keep It Short/Don’t push going in the water

You know my kid loves a good pool, but if the baby hasn’t napped, hasn’t eaten, and is hot– guess what you’re not having? A good time. The best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten was to have your baby fit into your schedule, but that doesn’t mean forget that you have a baby who does need to eat and sleep. Read the signs, and if he/she starts to cry– stop trying to get that perfect photo, and start your routine!

Take Pictures

But, as I said before– don’t push your kid. I can’t STAND seeing parents on the beach saying, “Just one more, I know you’re tired!” Like, seriously? Your kid is cooked. Just stick a fork in him, because he…is done. Wait until after their nap or after they eat to take some candids. Guess what? The beach is always going to be there– and just because you didn’t get a catalog worthy pic doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a mother.

Bathe Them

Here’s something I didn’t realize– bathing your babes after sunscreen. For those more experienced moms– sorry that I made you cringe. I really didn’t know! My mom told me once it started getting nice out. If we apply sunscreen, homeboy gets a bath when we get home. If he’s snoring hardcore, wipe him down and bathe him first thing in the morning. You don’t want to go two days without cleaning off that sweat from his/her body.

I know I’m being bossy, and my favorite thing to say to mommas is don’t listen to anyone’s advice and just do what you feel is right– but somethings, you need a couple stories/pieces of advice to help you decide what is right for you.

 

 

 

Love you, mean it.

 

K

 

 

Vintage Sea Theme: Pinteresting

I wanted to have a “vintage sea theme” going on, which is a weird as shit theme, and sounds very pinteresting if you know what I mean.

What’s up everyone?! How many times do you think I can apologize about being super busy? Well, here’s another one! Sorry guys! I’m super busy– and even though I want to be instafamous, I have to go to my job and make money that way. Such is life, right?

Anyway, I’m writing to you guys today to talk about my cute AF decoration in my bathroom! I’ve been having a hard time trying to decorate my house, so I picked literally the smallest room and decided that if I can accomplish that room, I’m winning. Well kids, I “finished” the room! And if by finished we mean the walls need a second coat of paint, and I should probably get a new vanity– eeeehh, it’s basically finished.

I’m a super big commitment-phobe (but not about important things) I’m afraid to commit to wall colors, themes in rooms, and furniture. This is why I haven’t finished any of the other rooms in our house. I made a bold-ass choice in my living room, and I love it– but now, I actually have to get cracking on the furniture part. BUT, that’s another post for another day.

On to the bathroom:

I wanted to have a “vintage sea theme” going on, which is a weird as shit theme, and sounds very pinteresting if you know what I mean. I figured that I could get some boats, anchors, and be super basic about it– but then I hit my head on my hanging chandelier in my kitchen and I got a super crazy idea! #mermaidsMF YES, that’s right. I mermaid that bathroom into a pretty decent place to wash your hands. #imjustbeinghonest

I picked out a very teal, jewel toned paint color for the wall and had my husband paint the walls, and maybe part of the ceiling too. Mostly, because we don’t know how to paint a room. Yes, I still had painter’s tape on the wall a year after we painted, because who knew that it actually makes it HARDER to take off after that long? #notme

I picked out brass-ish accessories for the soap dispenser and towel holder…because we all know that actual bathroom fixtures are expensive AF, and I have to eat everyday.

A year after we painted, I figured that we should do something with the thoughts in my head, and on the snowiest day thus far of 2017, we trekked out to World Market, and bought some cool looking shelves. We then got home, tried to put them together and realized that the shelves indeed do NOT come with brackets, and those are sold separately. Clever. So, three trips later (don’t ask about the stupidity of the third trip), and our shelves were installed!

I had been gathering trinkets and pictures like a hoarder for the past 6 months.  I figured I would pick out items that I would want to use and that would look thematic in our sea bathroom. So, as soon as those babies went up, you bet I was right there to shove my husband out of the way so I FINALLY had a place to put our weird mermaid statue.

When putting items on a shelf– it’s very important not to laugh at yourself for how ridiculous that sounds– there are some visual tips that I like to live by:

  1. Odd numbers are best. Yes, I have an even count on both of my shelves.. Do what I say, not as I do.
  2. Think outside the box when looking for prints. There’s no such store as the “vintage sea themed bathroom store” that has any kind of print/painting/statue that could fit that theme. Girl, you have to search for that…and be on your A-game when you’re in Home Goods. Three of my pictures are gift bags that I cut up and put into a frame.
  3. I tend to keep the same metal, with various colors of wood. I took the inspiration from one print I found at the Paper Source, and surrounded my whole shelf color story around it.
  4. Book ends are a great way to let your audience know that everything in between the book ends are related. Lol, you won’t have an audience in your bathroom.
  5. You can play your color story into various parts of the room, such as the mirror color, your light fixture, or even your door knob. It makes the room look more complete.

 

Items: Top Shelf: Mermaid Statue- Kirklands; Anchor bookend- Home goods; Crown-wearing Octopus- World Market; Mermaid holding anchor- World Market; Frames- World Market and Home Goods

Bottom Shelf: Whale Painting- Home Goods; Anchor bookend- Home goods; Mermaid greeting card- Home goods; Mermaid print- Paper Source; Frames- Home Goods, TJ Maxx

Here’s the bottom line, if you want your house to be pinterest-worthy, you better worry about it way too much, and let it consume your life.

 

Love you, mean it

k

New Year New Me? Relax.

These “new year, new me” people. MY GOD. Is it just me or are people extra aggressive with their wishes this year?

Alright alright, so I spent too much at Christmas and I’m totally ready for my overly expensive trip to Jamaica (so my saving mantra is a bust)– but we have something to talk about:

These “new year, new me” people. MY GOD. Is it just me or are people extra aggressive with their wishes this year? First off, the line to sign up at Planet Fitness is out into the parking lot and the line at Whole Foods is even longer. Half these people haven’t eaten kale, but they read it’s a staple piece for starving yourself.

“I’m going to change careers”

“I’m going to stop being mean to my husband”

“I’m going to own a dragon”

…where do the delusions end?! Anyway, I have a couple of theories on new year new me, and since you’re already here, maybe you should stick around to read them.

First off, if you’re reading this, you are probably wondering if you are a “new year, new me” person that I’m bitching about. Guess what? You probably are, so stop it and set a goal when you are actually going to do it…like in July when you realize that your cookie pouch of a stomach is indeed not cute in your bathing suit. That’s a new year new me moment that will stick with you.

As for the other 4 people reading, you’re probably in the same boat as me– every day you say you’re going to eat different or less, work out more, stop gossiping…and then something always happens, and cookies are suddenly in your mouth while your dog silently stares at you judging your every move.

My thoughts? Stop trying to think that January 1st is magical. Yes; I get it, the first of a month can inspire change in some…some psychos. For all you normal people out there, stop pressuring yourself to make a change immediately. Change takes planning, change takes time, and sugar takes 3 days to get out of your system completely.

I applaud those who have stuck to their goals thus far, it has been 9 days and you are goin’ strong. I’m not going to encourage you, but you only have about 12 more days until it becomes a habit…and you’re on your way, so don’t screw up 🙂

 

xoxo

Kate

 

An Open Letter to a Mentor

It started as a job. That’s it. I interviewed, and you offered me the job on the spot. Later on, you told me that I wasn’t a good interview, but I was a looker, and that’s what you needed to fill the job.

Little did you know how much you changed me, made me the person who I am today, and showed me how sure I really am about my career path. I’m sure that I am not the only one who feels this way, but I’m here to tell you thank you. Thank you for letting me put all my emotions on the table, thank you for letting me be your friend…while you became my first mentor in my career. A career that I didn’t even know was worth pursuing, until you opened the door, and walked me down the first part of the path.

You showed me that retail is not just a job, but rather a career for the wise, witty, and creative. You taught me how to sell…sell ice to an Eskimo, and make them believe that they really needed it. You did all of that, while showing me that a mentor, and a manager could be a respected friend and confidant. Countless memories go through my head, while I reminisce about how different I was, and still am, to you. Yet, you still cared, and you still let me be me…while shaping and molding me to make smart decisions in my personal and career life. You did all that, in two short years.

I was going through issues; there was no doubt about that. You let me air it out, on the clock, while still teaching me and using my useless Excel and Power point knowledge to your advantage. You encouraged me to finish school, while reaching inside my heart to let me see my full potential. I came as a broken mess, and you helped me pick up the pieces and move upwards from the lowest position in the store to a respected position that utilized my talents and smarts.

My days and moods varied on what kind of customers that I would encounter that day. “Did I want this to be forever? Is this the company to stay with?” All the while, you were there with the answers. The truth is, you saw that I was good…nay, great at what I was doing, and you tapped into that. I was never meant to be a social worker, sociologist, or (for a brief month) a terrorist interviewer. I was meant to make people happy, and although retail seems to be more on the materialistic aspect of careers…you showed me that there is a way to make it into a happy and fulfilling life.

You saw it inside me, and you grabbed it. Not for your own benefit, but rather because you saw the pain behind my eyes while I tried to figure out what I was going to be for the rest of my life. Maybe, you saw you inside of me, or maybe you still don’t realize how much you actually meant to me, but for everything that you did, and for all of the doors you opened for me, all while being a friend…thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

BB*SA

The Feel Good Project

After having my first baby 6 and a half weeks ago, I found myself not being able to feel good about the way I looked. It’s the same old story for most new mommas, but after being told numerous times by my husband that I performed a miracle, I realized I was the only one that felt that I wasn’t confident. So, I made up a project…with the help of my on again off again therapist– It’s called the Feel Good Project, and since most of you guys aren’t moms quite yet, it’s still a great way to feel good when you are having an off week.

The Rules:

  1. Make up outfits– Since I work in retail, this is super easy for me, because I have to wear the clothes…but before I went on leave, my outfits were anything but cute. I have to have at least 3 items on, cute/clean shoes, a necklace, and earrings. This was the hardest, because I’ve been fairly preoccupied with you know…taking care of a newborn. But, I must be doing it right because I’ve been feeling fantastic!
  2. Wear makeup and wash your hair– yes. Go through the process of putting on a little something so you (and only you…because everyone around you thinks you’re awesome) feel good. Make sure to take a shower everyday, and WASH your hair…if you have time, style it.

…and that’s it. You are allowed to have a couple bum days, but you have to GET DRESSED no matter what.

Anywho- It’s Black Friday, and I’m obvs at work…PSA to the shoppers out there…be nice to us today 🙂

 

Love you, mean it.