My Break-Up Letter to Designer Purchases

We have to see other people, and by other people…I mean I have to see Target, and you have to see my closet.

Dear (kate spade, Longchamp, Tory Burch, etc),

I am writing to you today to let you know about how much money I have spent on you in our long-term relationship of 8 years. In this relationship, I seem to be giving you cold-hard earned cash…and you give me a temporary happiness that is just as quick and fleeting as a Venti Iced Coffee from Starbucks.

We have to see other people, and by other people…I mean I have to see Target, and you have to see my closet. Sigh. We both knew that this was going to come sooner rather than later, and it’s not meant to hurt your feelings…but in all honesty, this isn’t a healthy relationship. You take my money, tempt me with high expectations and pretty colors, and then hit me to the floor with your prices. In essence, you use me for my money.

This is why, for at least 6 months, we have to take a break from each other. Don’t make it awkward and e-mail me…I won’t respond.

All my love and friendship,

Kate

Kate Spade Surprise Sale

It breaks my heart to say that I found that I didn’t have the impulse to spend my money on the beautiful items on the website.

Hi Saving Beauties! Let’s just talk about a little thing called a vice. Mine? kate spade. Ugh, my favorite types of handbags, and my ultimate splurge items all come from kate. I’m not sure what they are trying to do to me…sending me e-mails about a “surprise” wedding sale with 65% off of everything wedding. Sigh. But, after looking through all of the sale items (yes I looked!) I am happy to report back to all of you, I didn’t break. Yes, that cake topper is a must…and yes those “Mrs” earrings are to die for…but I don’t need them. It breaks my heart to say that I found that I didn’t have the impulse to spend my money on the beautiful items on the website. Not that I’m not KICKING myself over it…but I am becoming more responsible with my money. I’ll give you an example: As you all know, I have to pay my own phone bill now, and I’ve discovered that by spending a mere $100 on a totes adorable handbag is very tempting, I could also use that money to save up for my guy’s birthday present AND pay my part of the phone bill. My logic that “what’s 100 dollars going to do anyway?” has been thrown out of my Mazda 3 window like no one’s business. I need that $100 for me to LIVE…and you do too. If you have the extra money, be my guest: kate spade. I do strongly advise you to enter (if you dare) and practice self control. Let’s call this approach-avoidance therapy. Go in, look at the items, and DON’T buy anything.   One tip: After you receive the e-mail…because they are tricky and make you enter it in order to see the sale, go to your inbox and UNSUBSCRIBE. We’ve talked about this before. I feel like a broken record 😉   Anyway, tune in for another post later this week. Love you…mean it Kate

What Your Coffee Order says about You

Coffee is probably the most important thing in most modern day people’s lives. From teens to the elderly, coffee is loved through all ages. Lately, there has been a surge of insane types of coffee invented that most coffee enthusiasts would vote as, “not even sort of coffee.”

 

Regular, Black

Girl, (or guy) you know what’s up. You crave the caffeine goodness and you don’t want any of that petty crap to get in your way. Milk? Blegh. Sugar? As if. You want the bitter and the smooth taste all up in you. You haven’t met a coffee too strong. Your coffee order tells others, “I don’t need substitutions. I’ve got the real deal.” Most of these coffee drinkers are a little rough around the edges and like to keep it real with their friends. No shame in that game.

Regular with Creamer and Sugar

Bitch, you don’t even want 2 percent!? Let’s get this together. Yes, they make those creamers in the same containers that crack is cooked in, therefore it’s easy to get hooked…but come on. As for the sugar, do you want to drink coffee? Or just the thin mint goodness? Most of these coffee drinkers can be found sitting outside their college union with a Marlboro Light hanging out of their mouth and their iPhone 6 playing Selena Gomez and Zedd.

Iced Coffee, any way

Whether it’s wind or rain, you know this coffee aficionado is definitely getting their fix in a big cold way. Any way you pour it, this drinker is not about to make jokes about his or her coffee. Most iced coffee drinkers can be seen wandering around the mall or taking a run to their local Starbucks to get their fix. Most iced coffee drinkers utilize their days off to just wear work out clothes while not going to the gym and wasting time in Target instead. Oops.

Latte

What are you anyway? Do you want coffee or a cup of hot milk? Because, TBH that’s what you’re getting…and you’re even paying well over $3.00 for it. Suddenly, basics all around the globe are taking pictures of their latte art. Hearts, stars, and horseshoes made out of milk foam have flooded my instagram and I want it to stop. Most people who order a latte at their coffee shop are just in it to sound snooty to the rest of the line. “Oh, she’s a latte drinker. She’s got to be sophisticated.” Latte drinkers can be found in the line at Chipotle while discussing how to actually pronounce Chi-polt-ley…or is it Chi-pol-tee?

Macchiato, Machiato?

Literally, is this just crack with a fancy Italian name. Do we even know if it is Italian? I’m unsure about the situation. Anyway, most Macchiato drinkers don’t even know what they are drinking half the time. Why? Because none of them bother to look up what the ingredients are. You can find these people in line to see the midnight showing of 50 Shades of Grey and taking selfies with their custom-made t-shirts fully supporting Christian Grey’s way of life. Do you girl, do you.

FYI: Macchiato simply means “marked” or “stained” in Italian. In the case of caffè macchiato, this means literally “espresso marked with milk.” – Thanks Starbucks.

In my humble opinion…whatever humble means anyway…coffee is made to make you a caffeinated you.  Don’t taint it with your creamers and syrups. Drink it like nature intended to be…hot, black, and bitter. Yum.

 

 

How To Sell On Ebay

Don’t try to sell anything that you don’t own…because that causes problems that homegirl can’t help you with.

Need some cash? I know I do. Well, we all I know I need cash…but hush. Ebay is a great way to make some extra money by selling what you have and cleaning out your room in the process. Many people have great luck when selling online in auctions or using the “buy it now” option. Here are some tips and tricks that can help you get some extra cash before the weekend!

To get started, you must determine what you are going to sell, and make sure that it is clean and ready to ship at a moment’s notice. Yes, that means don’t think about selling that purse when you still have your wallet and crap in it! Also, don’t try to sell anything that you don’t own…because that causes problems that homegirl can’t help you with. Sorry.

To sell like a champ, follow these 5 simple steps!

  1.    Put Yourself in the Buyer’s Shoes
  2.    Take Great Pictures
  3.    Write a Killer Description
  4.    Price It Right
  5.    Be Agreeable

Put Yourself in the Buyer’s Shoes

It is easy to just think like a seller, with money on your mind. However, think about how you shop when you are looking for something. What kind of keywords do you use? What kinds of pictures catch your eyes? Lastly, what kind of posts do you stray away from? It can be a very slippery slope after coming off sketchy to a potential buyer. Make sure to be patient and clear when dealing with clients, and you’ll be sure to sell your items with no issues!

Take Great Pictures

People are visual. What is the first thing that you look for when trying to buy an item online? The pictures! Make sure that your pictures are clear and your items are displayed honestly: without hiding any flaws. (This will make for a bad review later) Make sure to take pictures of your item from each angle and use a lot of light.

Write a Killer Description

Be sure to define your item with plenty of descriptive words. Make suggestions about how to use your item to try to sell it. Be a salesperson. Use words like, “Fantastic” or “New” and “Updated” to spruce up your item listing. Be sure to tag and use keywords correctly. Ebay is an online “marketplace” in which sellers and buyers come freely to bid and barter on items they want!

Price It Right

By using a total like $13.99, a person is most likely going to associate the total of the item to be $13 instead of $14 plus tax and shipping. It is a trick that many stores use during sales and blowouts to move merchandise. Many consumers will associate the price with the lower number to justify the purchase. Try listing your item under the regular sale price by $5. This way, you are giving a great deal for your item. It may not be in the best condition, or be outdated by a couple of models. Give your buyer a break and be realistic with your prices!

Be Agreeable

If a buyer asks for a lower price, don’t disagree just yet! Compromise by lowering the price and asking if there is a way if he or she is able to pay for shipping. If the buyer is demanding lower prices and you don’t want to budge, don’t. But, don’t be rude in the process. If your item arrives broken, or isn’t what they wanted, take caution with voiding out returns. Without returns, many consumers will believe that there is a reason that you don’t want to take your item back. It is also important to have an open line of communication. Answer each question from the consumer with openness and honesty. If there is a problem with your item, describe it and be upfront. If you were in the buyer’s shoes, you may want some of these answers, too! It is important to keep the lines of communication open in order to have repeat customers.

Gambling: Yay or Nay?

You just need to control yourself and walk away…

For most people, gambling can be a vice that they just can’t walk away from. For others, it is not an interest. For me, it’s a catch-22…do I voluntarily become a broke bitch? Or, do I walk away and enjoy other things in life? Although I would choose the latter, my friends would like to have a “sassy casino night” in Atlantic City in New Jersey.

What’s a girl to do? I can’t be a Debbie downer, so I’m gonna have to deal.

How To Gamble: For Non-Gamblers

Make A Budget

Make a budget and stick to it. It’s a common trend for me to verbally tell my fiancé my plan for a budget. I will say how much I am going to spend, and how much I am willing to bend on it. I’ll think about the bills I have to pay, and how much I already have on my credit card. It’s a good strategy to keep in your back pocket when you are faced with the possibility of winning millions.

Be Strong

We’ve all been there: you put in $10.00, and you win $20.00…then $35.00…then you lose it all. When you lose your budget, stop playing. STOP. Casinos now make it easier than ever to put you in debt…including a place to put your credit card, and ATM’s all over the floor. My advice? Take your budget out in cash before you get to the casino. Usually, there is a HUGE surcharge fee all up in that jawn.

Enjoy Other Things

Although casinos are based off of gambling and throwing away money, you might as well throw your money away (if you really want to) on something that has a guaranteed good or service that is beneficial to you. So, go to a show or a club at the casino. In the end, you’ll be happy and drunk. #whatcouldbebetter

Be Negative

Yep, that’s right…be negative. Be realistic. What are the actual chances that you will win millions? Nada. Sorry for the harsh reality, but it’s true. You won’t win big if you keep putting your money in. Chances are, you will lose…and lose big.

Cash Out and Walk Away

If you put in $10, and win $20…cash out. CASH OUT. Go buy yourself ice cream and walk on the boardwalk. Put that money in your money jar and consider it a lucky win. Don’t ever think that you’ll win more with one more round.

That’s it for now, stay tuned for some sassy observations in a couple of days. Should be a good time.

xoxo-kate

If you know someone with a gambling problem, visit your state’s website for a dose of reality.

The 5 People You Meet In A Starbucks Drive-Thru

The drive-thru is sort of like the melting pot of a coffee shop. People come and go, sort of like the streets of a big city, except everyone has the same purpose: to become caffeinated. On top of that, it also is a place where the people who “ain’t got time for that” go to meet and become friends.

The Mother of All Basics

Although I consider myself a severe basic bitch, nothing compares to this girl. All of you can already imagine what she’s wearing. It’s cold, so she’s wearing leggings and uggs to keep her body warm. Oh, she is so good. On top of that, she’s a gold card member. She will actually hold up the entire drive thru line in order for her to get her lucky 12th star. This one is a classic. Chances are, she’s going to her internship at Vogue or Cosmo. She loves her vintage whale tees from Vineyard Vines, her Tory Burch riding boots, and her lovely Kate Spade bag with a matching wallet. Can you guess what she’s ordering? PSL all day long. Except in the spring and summer when it’s a Caramel Macchiato and she has no choice. If she is in denial about how basic she actually is, she’s probably having a Frappuccino of some sort without the whip! (Less calories that way)

The Senior in High School: The Trainee

You already know where I’m going with this one. Basically, she’s a MOAB in training. She just got her license two weeks ago, she’s got all her bitties in the car, and she’s ready for her double chocolatey chip frappe frappuccino… “That’s not the one with coffee, right?” This car also tends to pull over after leaving the drive thru line so she can Instagram a selfie with her drink, check in on Facebook, and figure out some sort of way to get the 17-year-old barista’s attention.

The “I’m in a Rush” Car

Either the driver is late for work or is just an asshole; this one is a super fun car to be in front of. After seeing the huffing and puffing followed by a “throw my hands up in the air” motion, the best thing to do is to have a little cynical fun. My suggestion is to take your sweet time finding your money. Asking the employees to throw out your Starbucks cup from the day before, and maybe drop something in between the window and your car. Not only will you receive the nastiest looks through your rearview mirror, but you may actually get a honk when you are next to them at a red light. Usually the honk happens once the light turns green. You know that tough guy isn’t coming out for a fight.

The Damn Mess

Oh, girl. I’ve been there. I have so been there. This is the car that is making the barista wait with the drive thru window open while its 15 degrees outside. I’m not entirely sure who I feel worse for: the barista who is so ridiculously cold, or the girl who can’t find her debit card, who doesn’t have a free cup holder, and drops her order all over herself and down the side of her car. I think it’s a tie.

The “I’m Getting These For Friends” Car

We’ve all been there; you’re waiting in line patiently and roll down your window for some fresh air. The sounds of the parking lot and the girl in front of you ordering is all you can hear. “OK, SO I’m getting like 8 drinks. I need TWO of those things, like the holder things? Ok, cool. SO first one…omg shut up! I’m ordering! Uh, hello?! Ok, FIRST ONE: A VENTI ICED COFFEE, NO SUGAR, NO MILK, JUST WHIPPED CREAM. OK, SECOND ONE: A TALL HOT CARAMEL LATTE WITH NO MILK.” So, that goes on for about 15 minutes, with interruptions from her friend who literally can’t even right now. There should be an express line, for people who don’t ask for stupid drinks at Starbucks.

In conclusion, if you fall into one of these categories, stay home. Or better yet, figure your life out before you get to the drive thru. The rest of the world will thank you.

xoxo -Kate

A PSA To All “Basic” Shaming Citizens

Yes you.. we’re all talking about you. The ones who are too “complex” to like pumpkin spice lattes or pictures of leaves. Ugh, us basics hate you…but for the right reasons. See, for us, we feel like we get hated on…for liking what we like. We don’t envy you at all. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to figure out something else to like that isn’t what everyone has dubbed, “basic.”

The other day, I was called basic at least 4 different times by four different people. Stop shaming me for liking what makes me happy!

In my 24 years on this earth, I have met my fair share of a certain type of woman. A “don’t give into girly, ridiculous, common people things!” type of woman. This frustrates me. Frustrates me to the point of wanted to make complex shaming a thing. Why put the extra effort into finding things to like that makes it hard for me to buy you a gift? For my basic friends? Starbies gift cards for all! As for my complex friends, I’ll have to go to a music store and find sheet music for an oboe, because that’s what you decided to take up as an instrument to be “different.”

I have found that the complex girls are the ones that I have to watch out for. The basic ones? I know what they’re about. The complex girls of the world hate on me for almost being…dare I say it…stupid. Like I’m not smart enough to like uncommon things. And to you I say WELCOME. Because you are all partaking in the biggest part of being basic…and that is…hating. So welcome ladies and gents! We can’t wait to take our first Starbucks trip with you! 🙂