10 News Stories Today

Oh Valentine’s Day, a time to literally hate everyone on your Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. No, I’m not single…and no, I’m not bitter. In fact, I have a phenomenal relationship. Today, I don’t choose to share my love with the world. Yes, I choose to share it other days…but not today. Why? Because everyone else. Dare I be edgy and different? It is my middle name…

Today, I worked and then sent the valet guys at my guy’s work in with a rose and chocolates to the kitchen. I hope he gets embarrassed. Isn’t that what today is for?!

Here are ten things that happened today that had nothing to do with your relationship status:

  1. A rare planet with crazy temperatures was discovered by scientists in Berlin.
  2. About 25% of your Facebook friends are calling today “Single’s Awareness Day.”
  3. It started snowing on Long Island again.
  4. Crispy M&M’s are freaking back!
  5. No one liked your Instagram photo of chocolates and flowers. Not passive aggressive…I swear.
  6. 50 Shades of Grey literally blew people’s minds…such a crazy concept. Okay, that one is a dig.
  7. Bethany Hamilton is pregnant. Like, that girl is a champion. And…she sings too? Now I’m confused.
  8. We are all one day closer to Ralph’s being open for the summer.
  9. There was a shooting in Denmark.
  10. About 5% of your Facebook friends got engaged today. It’s just science.
Advertisement

The 5 People You Meet In A Starbucks Drive-Thru

The drive-thru is sort of like the melting pot of a coffee shop. People come and go, sort of like the streets of a big city, except everyone has the same purpose: to become caffeinated. On top of that, it also is a place where the people who “ain’t got time for that” go to meet and become friends.

The Mother of All Basics

Although I consider myself a severe basic bitch, nothing compares to this girl. All of you can already imagine what she’s wearing. It’s cold, so she’s wearing leggings and uggs to keep her body warm. Oh, she is so good. On top of that, she’s a gold card member. She will actually hold up the entire drive thru line in order for her to get her lucky 12th star. This one is a classic. Chances are, she’s going to her internship at Vogue or Cosmo. She loves her vintage whale tees from Vineyard Vines, her Tory Burch riding boots, and her lovely Kate Spade bag with a matching wallet. Can you guess what she’s ordering? PSL all day long. Except in the spring and summer when it’s a Caramel Macchiato and she has no choice. If she is in denial about how basic she actually is, she’s probably having a Frappuccino of some sort without the whip! (Less calories that way)

The Senior in High School: The Trainee

You already know where I’m going with this one. Basically, she’s a MOAB in training. She just got her license two weeks ago, she’s got all her bitties in the car, and she’s ready for her double chocolatey chip frappe frappuccino… “That’s not the one with coffee, right?” This car also tends to pull over after leaving the drive thru line so she can Instagram a selfie with her drink, check in on Facebook, and figure out some sort of way to get the 17-year-old barista’s attention.

The “I’m in a Rush” Car

Either the driver is late for work or is just an asshole; this one is a super fun car to be in front of. After seeing the huffing and puffing followed by a “throw my hands up in the air” motion, the best thing to do is to have a little cynical fun. My suggestion is to take your sweet time finding your money. Asking the employees to throw out your Starbucks cup from the day before, and maybe drop something in between the window and your car. Not only will you receive the nastiest looks through your rearview mirror, but you may actually get a honk when you are next to them at a red light. Usually the honk happens once the light turns green. You know that tough guy isn’t coming out for a fight.

The Damn Mess

Oh, girl. I’ve been there. I have so been there. This is the car that is making the barista wait with the drive thru window open while its 15 degrees outside. I’m not entirely sure who I feel worse for: the barista who is so ridiculously cold, or the girl who can’t find her debit card, who doesn’t have a free cup holder, and drops her order all over herself and down the side of her car. I think it’s a tie.

The “I’m Getting These For Friends” Car

We’ve all been there; you’re waiting in line patiently and roll down your window for some fresh air. The sounds of the parking lot and the girl in front of you ordering is all you can hear. “OK, SO I’m getting like 8 drinks. I need TWO of those things, like the holder things? Ok, cool. SO first one…omg shut up! I’m ordering! Uh, hello?! Ok, FIRST ONE: A VENTI ICED COFFEE, NO SUGAR, NO MILK, JUST WHIPPED CREAM. OK, SECOND ONE: A TALL HOT CARAMEL LATTE WITH NO MILK.” So, that goes on for about 15 minutes, with interruptions from her friend who literally can’t even right now. There should be an express line, for people who don’t ask for stupid drinks at Starbucks.

In conclusion, if you fall into one of these categories, stay home. Or better yet, figure your life out before you get to the drive thru. The rest of the world will thank you.

xoxo -Kate

Just A Little Story

This is somewhat an old story, fantastic laughs and totally true. I did have another blog, but I never got it started. I decided I’d share this here!

PS- I’m letting ya’ll laugh at my misfortune.

Alright friends, let’s talk about a little thing called wild life. To be more exact, a deer running head on into the side of your car, at 6:30 in the morning. Those suckers are solid as hell. I’d be the first to tell you.

Let’s do a run down of the sitch: I was called into work an hour early, and could NOT get out of my own way while getting ready. Although I was running late, I stopped for a coffee, AND was listening to the radio. For those who know me, homegirl needs her coffee and always listens to her iPod…so this is a weird day already. Anyway, half way through my 45 minute trek through farm land (or whatever PA suburbs call themselves) a freakin’ deer came out from the woods and ran straight into the driver’s side of the door. Not only did I scream loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood, but all the drivers around me stopped to see if I had died.

IMG_8160

Let’s just say, everyone knew I wasn’t from “around there.” Whatever. Deers are bitches, and I hate all of them. My car, my poor baby Sloane Peterson, had been damaged. So much so, that I could not get out of my side of the car. Just my luck really, as if people didn’t find my behavior awkward already, climbing through the passenger side of a car REALLY makes people just say, “BOY! That girl is all sorts of normal!”

After telling my entire family about my brush with a beast unknown to my parts, my family started sending me “Joe Buck, Attorney at Law” flyers, complete with a picture of a buck (male deer for all you common suburban people) in a suit, posing for a picture.

"Joe Buck: Attorney At Law"

Needless to say, my misfortune became my family’s main source of humor for more than a couple days.

Beteedubs: The deer didn’t die, which my faithful protector was super disappointed about. In his words “That would-a been dinner!” AND my car’s damage was more than 5 grand. BUT! I’m fairly happy I am safe and I wasn’t damaged in the process.

A PSA To All “Basic” Shaming Citizens

Yes you.. we’re all talking about you. The ones who are too “complex” to like pumpkin spice lattes or pictures of leaves. Ugh, us basics hate you…but for the right reasons. See, for us, we feel like we get hated on…for liking what we like. We don’t envy you at all. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to figure out something else to like that isn’t what everyone has dubbed, “basic.”

The other day, I was called basic at least 4 different times by four different people. Stop shaming me for liking what makes me happy!

In my 24 years on this earth, I have met my fair share of a certain type of woman. A “don’t give into girly, ridiculous, common people things!” type of woman. This frustrates me. Frustrates me to the point of wanted to make complex shaming a thing. Why put the extra effort into finding things to like that makes it hard for me to buy you a gift? For my basic friends? Starbies gift cards for all! As for my complex friends, I’ll have to go to a music store and find sheet music for an oboe, because that’s what you decided to take up as an instrument to be “different.”

I have found that the complex girls are the ones that I have to watch out for. The basic ones? I know what they’re about. The complex girls of the world hate on me for almost being…dare I say it…stupid. Like I’m not smart enough to like uncommon things. And to you I say WELCOME. Because you are all partaking in the biggest part of being basic…and that is…hating. So welcome ladies and gents! We can’t wait to take our first Starbucks trip with you! 🙂