15 Things that Happen in Retail that are Absolutely Hilarious

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Let me tell you, working in retail is a job that can be rewarding, tiring, and terribly annoying within the same 8 hour shift. After working in a housewares store, a specialty store, and now a clothing store…I will tell you: I have seen it all. I have heard everything. Although I’ve seen and heard everything, it never ceases to amaze me how dense human beings can be. People never cease to amaze me. I love what I do, I find such great fulfillment in helping people and being in customer service. What I don’t love is being treated as if I am below another human. So here we have it: 15 Things that Happen in Retail that are Absolutely Hilarious. (give or take a couple people you meet along the way)

  1. It’s quite hilarious that customers from any walk of life seem to look down on retail workers. I mean, really look down on them. On the contrary, my dear friend, you should applaud us for our bravery…we have to deal with people like you every day.
  2. On top of that, the dense ones seem to not think a college degree is something we lowly retail workers can obtain. Which, by the way, is hilarious.
  3. What about a stranger being heavy makes it appropriate to ask when the baby is coming? OR…ooh this is my favorite, “What size are you? I mean, well..my daughter/niece/granddaughter/friend of family is like..your height..but like, thinner?” bullets are literally coming from my eyes.
  4. Being rude/in a rush/angry at a line of people is literally not going to solve anything.
  5. The argument that the computer’s math is wrong.
  6. The argument that a receipt is not necessary for a full cash refund. No, I will not believe you that you paid in cash, would you believe that?
  7. This customer: “I shop anonymously.” And then pay with a credit card.
  8. This customer: “Ha..I just printed up that hundred dollar bill.” Literally, that wasn’t funny the first time I heard it.
  9. This quote, “Oh, wow! It is dead in here! Guess you can close early!” If only, you basic, if only.
  10. This brainiac: “The line is really long…just bring out another register! I’m in a hurry!” Yes, that’s a thing that happens. We just have registers in the back. That we can move around. We purposely don’t have them out to annoy you.
  11. Coupons that employees never have laid eyes on. Coupons that don’t exist. Coupons that aren’t in the customer’s possession, but apparently are at home. It’s so good when a customer says that they left their coupon at home, and there are no current coupons. Literally, so good.
  12. Once, at the specialty shop I worked at, a man came in and told me to look into his eyes, and that he was able to read my soul.
  13. Once, at that same specialty shop I worked at, I was told I was white, and basic.. OH MY GOD, I AM?!
  14. Another time, I was told by a real human person that her DAWG could do my job better than me. That’s phenomenal. Please bring him here, the holiday season is coming. We need seasonal people.
  15. Finally, when a female customer shoots dirty looks at you for trying to help her brother/husband/boyfriend/fiance/whatever. Homegirl, please. In case you haven’t noticed– I work here. I don’t want any piece of that.

So there you have it. A billion reasons why retail is a fantastic job to have, bundled into 15. No, please, don’t pat me on the back just yet. Ok, do it.

xoxo -Kate

Surveys? Reviewer? What Have I Gotten Myself Into!?

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Because of my career situation, you know…not having one and stuff, I’ve decided I need to pick up a second job to soften the blow of my bills. Being the optimistic bitch I am, I figure I can do anything I set my mind to! Little did I realize, that isn’t the case. Since I graduated school, I have been more and more focused on what I’m doing with the rest of my life. I’ve come up fairly empty-handed.

To be honest, I want to be a freelancer. I want to be able to sit in a starbies all day and write to the public. I want to write blogs, articles, and be interacting with people. Oh, and get paid a sick nasty amount. Where is that job? It probably doesn’t exist. But, my positive mind has told me, “Don’t give up!” So, I went on my merry way, googling the crap out the statement “get paid to freelance.” In the past, I came up with nothing.

Two nights ago, I stumbled upon a website: elance.com. Basically, this is like the classifieds for freelancers. I filled out my profile and started applying to jobs. I got a hit not even an hour into being a member! It was for daily writing: 2-5 articles per day and around 400 words each. I didn’t know what I was getting into, so I accepted it. After the fact, I realized that my excitement was for nothing. After contacting the client, I realized that this wasn’t going to be what I thought it was. Instead of this being a casual 2 to 5 articles per day that I could complete whenever I wanted, I would have to juggle both my almost full-time job and these articles each day. I am hoping that my next endeavor on this website will be a positive one.

While looking around the Internet I figured that I could get paid to review certain products, so I signed up to be a “taker of surveys.” Let me tell you, it’s a con job. No joke it’s a con job. For each survey you take, you could get up to a whopping $.45! If you ask me, this is the stupidest idea ever.  So, I decided that I would go onto another website. This time to review new artists. I will get six cents each review and I would have to listen to the song for 90 seconds. Not only is this a colossal waste of time, you have to listen to some freaking terrible music. Needless to say the struggle is real.

In conclusion, I’d like to say that freelancing is where my heart is, but as of right now it will stay my part time job. Until of course I hit it big and become the modern day Carrie Bradshaw.

xoxo- Kate

Penny Pinching is the Way to Go

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With Christmas just over a month away, I have already started a list of people I need to purchase a gift for and the amount I expect the gift to cost.  This is a great way to stick to my budget. I have to congratulate myself, not for my low paying job, but because I am almost positive I am nearing the end of what I call my obsession for designer brands. I could easily charge a Michael Kors bag on my credit card and slowly pay it off over the upcoming months, but I don’t. I instead have come to realize that this isn’t going to make me Instagram famous. No matter how hard I try.

I realize there is a bigger picture: there are bigger things you have to worry about than spending frivolously… No matter how much I think a new handbag would bring in a new season or a new necklace would accent my new outfit, in the long run it isn’t the right choice.

It makes more sense to watch your pennies and only indulge in the smaller things such as my cup of Starbucks iced coffee, a milkshake, or a bite to eat once a week with the person I love when we have the same days off.  I am learning my lessons about what I preach about impulse buying, and instant gratification. It’s not ideal and not where I see myself in five years. For now, my wedding planning and purchasing a house are more important than that new handbag I want, or that Tiffany’s necklace I hope my fiance gets me for Christmas. 🙂

Happy planning and happy savings.

xoxo- Kate

A PSA To All “Basic” Shaming Citizens

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Yes you.. we’re all talking about you. The ones who are too “complex” to like pumpkin spice lattes or pictures of leaves. Ugh, us basics hate you…but for the right reasons. See, for us, we feel like we get hated on…for liking what we like. We don’t envy you at all. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to figure out something else to like that isn’t what everyone has dubbed, “basic.”

The other day, I was called basic at least 4 different times by four different people. Stop shaming me for liking what makes me happy!

In my 24 years on this earth, I have met my fair share of a certain type of woman. A “don’t give into girly, ridiculous, common people things!” type of woman. This frustrates me. Frustrates me to the point of wanted to make complex shaming a thing. Why put the extra effort into finding things to like that makes it hard for me to buy you a gift? For my basic friends? Starbies gift cards for all! As for my complex friends, I’ll have to go to a music store and find sheet music for an oboe, because that’s what you decided to take up as an instrument to be “different.”

I have found that the complex girls are the ones that I have to watch out for. The basic ones? I know what they’re about. The complex girls of the world hate on me for almost being…dare I say it…stupid. Like I’m not smart enough to like uncommon things. And to you I say WELCOME. Because you are all partaking in the biggest part of being basic…and that is…hating. So welcome ladies and gents! We can’t wait to take our first Starbucks trip with you! 🙂

Cheap Weddings 101

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Alright ladies and gents-
Let’s talk about it: *shudder*
Wedding Costs.

If you’re money conscious, like me, having a huge wedding is something you’ve always wanted, and are terrified of the thought of the amount of money that goes into planning and “throwing” a wedding. DEAR JESUS! That money though…

I got engaged in early July, and due to my white girl obsession with everything fall, I wanted a fall AND only a fall wedding. Obviously, it was too soon for me to plan my “dream Pinterest inspired wedding” in less than three months. We opted for next September. As an engagement gift, I received a binder from The Knot, aka the holy grail for wedding obsessed women. I obviously hopped right into wedding planning. For anyone in my shoes, or almost in my shoes, I’m gonna break down this realization:

“Well, weddings are fairly expensive, everyone knows that”

flip through first section

“Do you have to only pay for the reception place?”

flip to next page

“AND the church/temple/place to get married ?! WAIT HOW MUCH?!”

google cheap alternatives…then get yelled at by family for googling cheap alternatives

“Ok, soo the most expensive part will probably be my dress, the church, and the reception”

How much can photographers REALLY cost?

“Holy…”

Let’s just elope

**mother cries. You cry. Friends cry. Fiance gets wine for all aforementioned.

Ok, so we get it right? Right. Weddings are expensive. And I curse whoever made this a multi(probably)BILLION dollar industry. After watching my sister, brother, and plenty of friends get married, I’ve picked up a couple interesting tips that you may want to know about.

  • Your dress: Is it just me, or are there other people who think its crazy that you spend an immense amount of money on a dress that you wear once? On one hand, it’s insane, and you all know it. On the other hand, when will you wear something as fabulous again? Uh…what about a Tuesday? I happen to know that Lord & Taylor, Macy’s,Bloomies, and Neiman ALL have beautiful gowns, and some come in white. And some come in under $100. If you get my drift.
    • PS- My bestie got married in a gorg bridesmaid gown in ivory. Talk about a savvy diva.
  • Your ceremony: Depending on how you want your wedding to go down, there may not be an alternative to spending the cash to get yourself recognized…unless you have a friend and he/she can marry you. Then you’re in luck.
  • Your photographer: Your sorority sister takes sick pictures? Score. Get that bitty on lock for your engagement shoot. As for the wedding pics, shop around. Talk to photographers in your area. A cheap package can run you a couple hundred without the insane amount of frills they “add-on” to sell you on your own wedding day. You can do books and different size prints yourself. Snapfish or zazzle makes that stuff super easy.
  • Flowers: Check out alternatives for flowers. Broaches, dried flowers, sheet music (ok, that one is hard), burlap (for that rustic type of girl), beads, lanterns (if you want them to look like they live in Hogwarts), or even feathers. If you’re stuck on flowers, you gotta give and take a little. Maybe compromise. Have flowers in the ceremony and an alternative in your reception. Girl (guy), it’s your special day. Get it together.
  • Another tip: Get off the internet. Stop looking for alternatives for what you’ve already decided on. You’ll end up spending more money on MORE stuff you probably won’t use.
  • Reception Site: Night time wedding on a Saturday? Open that wallet a little more, please! Try a day time on a Sunday afternoon. Or a night-time on a Thursday…in January. The reception hall will be paying YOU.

Anyway, that’s all for cheap weddings 101. Tune in for my next ranting break-down about weddings in a week or so 🙂

xoxo -Kate

DIY Halloween

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Hey Noodles-

With Halloween at the end of the week, I figured I wanted to let you know that even frugal ladies and gents need a good costume! So, here are 10 DIY alternatives that you could totally rock this upcoming “boo”fest!

  1. A Bridezilla: HA! This one is for me. Wear a white dress, veil, and a reptilian-like tail (or construction paper…but don’t cut corners!) #dying
  2. Instagram Famous: Literally wear your best outfit and make up, and follow this DIY.  Girl knows what shes talking about!
  3. Amanda Bynes: Oh? Too soon? Whatevs. I was Mandy last year, and my BFF was her fabulous twitter account. For this one, wear matching sweats, a fabu rhinestone hat, a platinum blonde wig, and dimple piercings. **
  4. Please, for me, be a college student. Sweats, so college t-shirt, and uggs. For men, sweats/jersey shorts, so college t-shirt, and flip flops.
  5. RBF- Resting Bitch Face. Just mix basic white girl costumes (north face, uggs, leggings) with your regular “I just want a venti iced coffee” face.
  6. Tourist: Why is it when people travel, they feel the need to wear comfy and ugly clothing?! Wear a pair of soffe shorts (lol) a t-shirt from your high school, and a fanny-pack. (Hey, you can hold maybe two cans of beer in there…or a lot of those mini liquor bottles!)
  7. If you like 80’s movies, go as John Cusack in “Say Anything.” Don’t even ask me how to do that. Get a stereo.
  8. Jenna Marbles: Get two stuffed dogs, a ripped body, and get a wonderous purple wig. Put on that black eye makeup, and dance the night away.
  9. A mistake: Dress up like an ex.
  10. Blow up and print out a picture of a sting ray face. Then photobomb pictures.

**Note to #teammandy supporters: Those who do not have dimple piercings may substitute earrings with makeup glue on your cheeks. You’re welcome! 😉

xoxo- Kate

Ps. I know you all liked number 9. #icanteven

For Real Though, What To Do When You’re A Broke Bitch

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So, I seriously am loving my Sassy Sarcastic Sunday concept.

In all seriousness… I do owe you all an actual post…with actual advice.

What to do with less than $50 to spend

  1. Go see a movie
  2. Rent a movie from redbox and make popcorn at home.
  3. Check with your local pubs and taverns for a “trivia night” or “board game night.” Monopoly is even more fun with a couple (don’t go overboard!) drinks in you!
  4. Do a scavenger hunt with friends. Winner buys milkshakes. Make sure to lose 😉
  5. Go on Living Social: Right now, they are featuring a 3 Day Admission to a Halloween Pub Crawl in Philadelphia for $10!!
  6. Go to an arcade
  7. Take a train ride into the city and do a DIY photoshoot with friends. (Thanks Nikki)
  8. Karaoke: Maybe someone will buy you a drink, you sweet songbird, you.
  9. Visit museums and zoos on free or discounted days. (You have to check the websites of your local attractions to see their specific days!)
  10. Update your photo albums. Websites like Snapfish or Walgreens give you a great deal on printing your pictures
  11. Craft something for your house.
  12. Go to a winery and have a tasting. Most flights can be as cheap as $5.

I always find that most people think that it is easier to find something to do when you spend a ton of money. Unfortunately, there are more options with the more money you have. I feel that this situation is a lot like when you sit I front of a tv and have over a thousand channels, yet nothing sparks your interest.
Here’s a little tip: be stimulated by a book, conversation, or the outdoors. I would tell you this even if you had all the money in the world. The best times come from being with people you love (or love to hate!)

Peace out bitties!

Xoxo- Kate

50 Things to Do…When You’re Short on Cash

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Okay, so today is Sunday…and I figure that I should make a theme: Sassy Sarcastic Sunday. So, there’s that.

As promised, here are 50 things you can do when you’re broke as hell.

  1. Brush your hair.
  2. Take up a semi cheap hobby… Crocheting is hella inexpensive! Have you seen how much a ball of yarn is?
  3. Paint your nails.
  4. Watch *free* episodes on hulu or youtube.
  5. Invent something.
  6. Get your invention idea stolen because you talked about it in a Starbucks.
  7. Drive around aimlessly… Of course that cost more money in gas than going out to a bar.
  8. Concentrate on your exercise.
  9. Reorganize the apps on your phone… It keeps things fresh.
  10. Carve your initials into a tree.
  11. People watch.
  12. Look up a diet cleanse and not do it.
  13. Practice your typing.
  14. Play monopoly with your dog/cat/rabbit.
  15. Organize your planner, and then forget about it the next week.
  16. Design your house on Pinterest.
  17. Start a blog.
  18. Plan your wedding on Pinterest. Whether it be real or fake.
  19. Window shop on the interweb.
  20. Finally clean out your inbox.
  21. Unsubscribe to shopping emails in your inbox. 😦
  22. Become an expert at origami
  23. Live vicariously through those who go out on the weekends.
  24. Envy your dogs life.
  25. Work more hours at work.
  26. Start a savings account.
  27. Call it: One Day…
  28. Rerecord your voicemail message.
  29. Do your voicemail message in the voice of Bane from Batman.
  30. Perfect your Russian accent
  31. Text your friends pictures of puppies.
  32. Build a treehouse, or a snowman, depending on your weather sitch.
  33. Make your own coffee. (AS IF)
  34. Try to figure out how mirrors work.
  35. Count how many times a ceiling fan spins per hour.
  36. Volunteer.
  37. Become a youtube sensation over night.
  38. Become insta famous.
  39. Train your dog to bring you food.
  40. Clean your bathroom.
  41. Create a fan page for an obscure actor from the 90’s. (Ron Orbach) (Best DMV Tester Cher could have had)
  42. Cry when your Rue LaLa app reminds you about new sales.
  43. Take up ribbon dancing.
  44. Brew your own beer.
  45. Do your laundry.
  46. Apply for jobs.
  47. Apply to graduate school.
  48. Learn how to cook.
  49. Learn how to be the burger king.
  50. Don’t take any of these seriously.

Well, that was too easy.

Anywho, look out for a list of actual things to do on a budget sometime this week! I’m thinking Tuesday evening? After work? I get out at 10. See you then 🙂

xoxo -Kate

Broke Ain’t No Joke

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Let’s talk about this hiatus, huh?

Anywho, I’m trying my friends. I really am. Life catches you and throws you around like a piece of meat. Ugh, whatevs. Let’s just say,

I’m sorry. Okay, now that we have that out of the way, we have some new confessions. We can call them the good, the bad, and the really terrible.

For the good: I started making my own lunch, I thankfully have a job, and I’m paying off my credit card debt…$20 each week to be exact. I have to say, it’s a good balance. I’ve trained myself to look at my paycheck with $40 less every two weeks.

For the bad: I work in a clothing store. A really cute one. I get a fairly awesome discount, and I wear the clothes anyway. We all can see where this is going.

The really terrible: EEK! Okay, I’m getting married next year, and PINTEREST is making things so hard on me (typical first world problem) Ok, but seriously. Everything I see on there, I want in my wedding. I had to talk myself out of buying ANOTHER engagement photo shoot outfit because while shopping, my creative wheels were turning.   On another note, let’s hear it for all the fabulous bitties living paycheck to paycheck! (Do I hear a…cricket?) Is it just me? Well, in that case: let me break it down. I barely make enough to afford gas, food, and a student loan. (Thanks Sallie Mae)

This is where my wonderous post comes in:

What To Expect When Broke:

  1. Ha. The first thing you have to expect is probably a major cramp in your social life. Sure, I gave up going out every weekend once I graduated from college, but let’s get real, a girl’s got to get her drank on. Right?
  2. On top of that major cramp in social life, you’ll probably experience some sort of desperate search for coins; quarters, pennies, nickels, dimes OH MY.
  3. Coffee is a luxury: well, I didn’t give this up..because I’d be a much meaner person if that was taken away.
  4. You find new and exciting ways to revamp your clothing style: In other words: You can’t buy a new outfit every weekend…sorry, Blair Waldorf.
  5. Lastly, (and this is just the tip of the iceberg) you will tend to think you have more money than you actually do. I am so guilty of this. I love giving presents, and I really do have to learn that I cannot afford it!

A word from the wise, it’s hard. This is a hard, stupid concept to wrap your head around. It comes with petty fights with loved ones (don’t give in to fighting about money) and a lot of lonely nights while your friends go out without you.

Next post? What do to on a limited budget.

xoxo- Kate

Credit Cards, Promo E-mails, and Mailings! Oh My!

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Let’s talk about the biggest trap around these days…Credit cards!
Now, I’m not saying its a complete trap, but much like life vests in the water, credit cards give you a false sense of security, and in this case, money. No matter how much money you make each week from a job, credit card companies will target you for everything you’ve got.

Here’s my advice: (thanks to my boyfriend)
Use your card for a purchase, but pay off the amount ASAP. Don’t wait until the end of the billing cycle. Why? Most of the time, you will reach for a credit card if you are short on cash. I do it too, and together we can stop this nonsense! On top of that, credit cards will give you a minimum payment each month. Most of us busy folk pay the minimum and go on with our daily lives. DON’T DO THIS! After each month, most cards have interest for an unpaid balance. So basically, your credit card is a ticking time bomb that increases in a balance just because you aren’t spending or paying off a balance wisely.

Credit cards aren’t your thing? Lucky. Well, I am going to reiterate a previous post. Promotional e-mails and mailings. These items are used as ploys by companies. (No matter your vice)
I like to think each time you click on an e-mail, a marketing employee for that company laughs manically. These people are marketing geniuses! That catchy e-mail titles, the amazing colors, the pretty pictures…anyone can get sucked in…right?

My advice? Get it together and unsubscribe. My friend and I recently went through our e-mails and purged our accumulated promo e-mails. Since I last wrote this post, more e-mails piled into my inbox to try and tempt me. Did I give in? Obviously. I have a weakness for Rebecca Minkoff! Don’t judge me!

As for mailings, refuse a mailing address when purchasing in a store. It’s for your own good. Sales people will try and convince you otherwise. Listen to me: no.
You aren’t being rude, you’re helping yourself.

Back to a clean slate tomorrow. Be strong, saving beauties!

K

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